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On Thursday we went to see the new movie about the quest to save the talking badgers (aka Prince Caspian). I had a nightmare that I was late because I had got stuck babysitting, and it was so horrible that I woke up way too early. I got in the car at exactly the right time, but then discovered that my GPS had forgotten Gity's address, and it took me 7 minutes to program it in. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA to GPS's. So I was kind of late to Gity's, and then we got caught in an excessive number of traffic lights and couldn't find a parking spot. So we drove past the cinema and waved to everybody standing there waiting for us. Yay. For once in my life, I was the last one there. We watched the movie. It was moderately great. Then we went to The Glen, ate, talked and freaked Scott-Mr-KFC-Dude out by staring at him for ages as he tried do do his Mr-KFC-Dude work. Then I took Marie and Gity on a tour of the changes to the school. There aren't many. The toilets were painted over and quickly falling into disrepair and clouds of cigarette smoke again; the eye-sore of an incomplete fountain is now a completed eye-sore of a fountain. We saw Mr Edwards in the Sci Tech (wtf? WHY is he not in Canada yet?) so Gity and I talked to him. I discovered that he used to be a dog trainer and show his Weimaraners in competitions. (wtf? WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS?!) And then we went home.
On Sunday I had a dog massage workshop. That was informative.
On Monday I went to Jess's. My bus was 10 minutes late, leaving me shivering and miserable. It was great, in the purely nostalgic sense. I was just getting out my phone to tell Marie not to bother picking me up when it arrived. I got to the carpark at exactly the same time as Marie. Yay:) And so Jess, Scott, Andrew, Marie, me and eventually AJ played dungeons and dragons. It had taken Andrew a while to convince me to play, because I thought I would become addicted and wierd. Me and Jess were tied up for a large chunk of the game, and the b**ch of a captain took my dog-steed and has pet electric lizards which killed Jessica. I am now wierdly addicted to Dungeons and Dragons. So is Jess. Sigh. I feel, as Jess's uncle put it, 90's geeky. Other people went home but I stayed overnight to avoid more public transport. We watched some of the first season of Charmed and had scrambled egg for dinner, played playstation games, watched Tudors and spectacularly failed to do any of the work we both should have done. The following morning was spent making Spore creatures and sorting counters until people came. We watched some Doctor Who episodes until Caitlin arrived, whereupon we ordered pizza and started our Murder Mystery night. I was (please excuse the use of person in this, me is merely copyin'.) "Steph, a noble woman without any great title. You have lost your lands and your frtune to betting on the races, die, cards and other games. You are friends with the Lady Jessica, but have never met her husband Duke Andrew and are looking forward to doing so. The only reason you have been invited to the paty (is that) it is hosted by your cousin Marie. However, you almost didn't come. Greatly in debt and needing to fuel your gambling habits you are afraid that one of the loan brokers you owe money to, AJ, will be present. she is a member of the King's Guard and a soldier, but most of her large fortune comes from her other trade. If you don't pay up you are afraid of what AJ will do to you."
My first objectives were to start a gambling game with at least 3 other people, avoid being alone with AJ (actually just avoid her as much as possible) and talk to my friend Lady Jessica about my life.
Lady Jessica introduced me to her husband in her room, then we moved to the sitting room to meet the other guests. I was just about to start avoiding AJ when Cousin Marie started talking, forcing all of us to be seated. I amused myself by pinning Scholar Josh to my chair. As soon as Marie stopped talking, I released him and went to learn more about Lord Andrew (or should I say Lord Xavier Formulaic Acid); I may have been rather more interested than was strictly necessary. Interested enough that as soon as Jess walked past he grabbed her frantically and used her as an excuse to extricate himelf from my company. Muahaha. Then I started avoiding AJ. I talked to several people, including Jess, who was upset with her husband about something, and Marie, who apologised for her character's tendency to encourage me to gamble excessively. I got Scholar Josh relatively alone and I was rather more interested in his life than strictly necessary, but he was oblivious. I tried to interest him in a game of cards, but he refused. I turned to Marie and said "Could I interest you in a game of cards, cousin? You party is dreadfully dull." I suddenly realised that that was probably quite offensive, but she cried "YES!" and we went to set up. Somehow we managed to accumulate every other person at the party by the time we were ready. We played 21 (or whatever it was called back then), followed by Dragons (or whatever it's called. They probably didn't play it back then, but who cares? I won a round.) It was during these games that the great scandal came out - Marie had had an affair with Lord Xavier 10 years ago. AJ pointed out that they would have been 8 at the time. Every time people went to yell at each other in private I stole some coins from whoever was silly enough to leave them unguarded, but the last time someone stole all of Marie's coins so I had to give the 2 I had taken back. She was convinced that I had taken all of them. Humph. As if the desperately in debt gambling addicted cousin would do that. As we were finishing, Jess and Caitlin went off to talk in private. Caitlin emerged shortly afterwards crying out that Lady Jessica was dead, so we all rushed in to stare at her. She was laughing. "Oh no!" we all lamented. "Quick, make sure she's dead." I tested her pulse. "Yep, she's dead." Andrew sat beside her and tried to show his grief by pretending to beat his hands against her. "Yeah, well done Andrew, just stab the dead body to make sure." Everyone was cracking up. We left Andrew to "grieve" while Josh performed a medical examination to determine the cause of death (poison, he said.) We sat on the sofas and tried to decide whodunnit, trying unsuccessfully to pretend that our laughs were really sobs. After a while we went to check on them, and the door swung open to reveal Jessica's body lurching towards us. "AAAAAAAH!!" We screamed at the undead creature. She corrected us, "I'm the mute servant now."
"Ah." we said.
"She did it!" I cried.
She handed out new objectives. Mine was "Convince AJ to give you time to repay the money. Jessica is dead, but you are sure, in your desperate situation she would help you with your debt; attempt to rob her money out of her handbag." I went to the kitchen and took a butter knife, so that I could kill AJ if I felt like it. I tried to edge towards Andrew's private room, but everyone was by that stage sitting in the lounge in full view of the door, so I never even got close. I grabbed AJ and drgged her up the hall to try and make some excuse about how I was going to get a job tomorrow and pay her off. Unexpectedly, she offered to halve the amount due (I had to ask how much it was, and she dug around for her paper and we discovered that it was meant to be $3000, so it would now be $1500). I dug around in my pockets and found counters. It took a VERY long time to count them. I gave up at $1000, and she said that she could consider the $500 owing in view of my not saying anything about what had happened earlier. I didn't know what had happened earlier, but didn't really feel like mentioning it. I didn't quite know what to do with the knife in my pocket. I was a little disappointed to have no reason to kill anyone. After a little more circulation and speculation, Caitlin pulled me asside and enquired as to my relationship with AJ. I confided that I owed her (or him) some money, as I had seen Caitin pay him/her off earlier. Caitlin offered to lend me some money in exchange for a favour later on. I agreed, and she gave me the $500 I needed. I went and passed it on. Without a debt, I wasn't quite sure whether I should still go and nick money out of Jess's handbag. Andrew saw me hanging around and asked for a word. He pointed out the imaginary blood stain where Lady Jess had been lying. Servant Jess barged in and handed us our next set of objectives. "Look in the handbag," she hissed to Andrew, and left. We looked at each other for a moment, and then I reached for the bag. Andrew lunged forwardand pinned me to the wall with his cardboard tube sword to my neck. "DROP IT!" He thundered. "She did say to look in it." I opened it and found coins and a label belonging to Gail. I can't remember what we discussed, because my sleep deprived mind fogged it over, but it did involve me taunting him then saying "Oh wait, I forgot, I probably shouldn't anger a man with a sword to my throat." "Hehe yeah you forgot." "So are you going to kill me?" "No, but sonsider it a very stern warning." I left, very sheepishly. My third objective was to "Either repay the loan or get AJ off your back one way or another. If she tries to speak with someone, follow them and eavesdrop." I had been eavesdropping all night anyway. It hadn't really got me very far, most of what I overheard being "I think someone's listening." I guess I'm not very good at sneaking. After a long discussion with Marie, it was time for final favours to be called on. Caitlin told me that her favour for the money was that I should vote for myself as murderer. "But ... I would be hanged. That is SO not worth $500." I competely emptied my pockets, and started counting. After we had established that it was somewhere between $400 and $470, she got bored and said "Okay, since you've sort of payed off your debt, I will revise the favour to voting for Marie." "Did she do it?" "Yes." "Are you sure?" she nodded vehemently. "Okay then." I was wandering away when I heard a scream. I grabbed my trust knife and raced into the lounge room, where Marie was struggling with Andrew. They raced off before I got there, so I followed, which is how we ended up in the final scene, everyone standing in the hall with weapons drawn. "Having a concealed weapon is against the law." AJ informed us. "Well maybe you should tell us the laws BEFORE we break them." I said. AJ and Andrew withdrew to the study to confer, while the rest of us sat down to discuss final theories. AJ and Andrew were in there for a VERY long time. We took it in turns listening at the door to make sure there was no unauthorised hanky-panky. Unfortunately, there wasn't.
The final votes were cast and Marie got the most. "Yes, you're right, I did it." She said. "You did?" asked Caitlin. "You said you knew!" I said, scandalised. We took her to the deck to hang her, but she took too long trying to think of decent last words, so I just pushed her off to be done with it.
We sat down afterwards and everyone told their stories. Turns out AJ had been convinced I had seen her take all Marie's money and kindly kept quiet, when in fact I had only suspected her. I didn't enlighten her.
That was fun.
Then we played murder in the dark for hours. Twice when I was murderer I manged to perform mass murder, but lost count and said "Have I killed everyone?" Only to be met by the cry from the last survivor "Stephanie did it!" (Actually, the first time Andrew said "Jess did it!" HA.) In one of the games I ended up in the middle of a 3-person pile up.Josh was a really sneaky murderer, and would try to hand me a dog or wait for me to hug him and then grab my shoulder so I died. I love following people around and creeping them out, even when (especially when) I'm not the murderer. Oh it was so much fun :D
At 20 past midnight Josh decided that he probably should go home. Murder in the dark slowed and eventually stopped when no-one could stand up any more, except to dance. Which we did. Crazily. In the dark. Yay :)
We finally settled down for bed. Marie and I shared the sofabed next to the laundry. We were just drifting off when we heard music from the tv. "They're watching 300 ... at 2 am. Oh my god." Marie laughed. Jess went to tell them to turn it down, which they did. A few minutes later we heard her commenting on the effects. "Yup ... turn it down you freaks, it's 2am. *Sits down and watches movie with them*" I giggled. We eventually stopped hearing it and drifted fitfully in and out of sleep, woken occasionally by the barking dogs. The second time I let them out (which must have been about 7) they got out. "Help, I being mauled my wild beasts!!!" Squealed Marie. (Surprisingly, I learned later, no-one heard her). Rascal opened the hall door and disappeared, and Nagari (with a huge amout of effort) heaved herself up onto Marie and lay there for hours, squishing her lungs. She's such a cute dog. We were finally able to sleep properly and were woken up by the doorbell. Josh and Gity were bright and dressed, which contrasted comically with the rest of us, croaky with sleep and dressed in our pyjamas. We finished watching Doctor who episodes and ate pancakes for brunch. We played Taboo, and my team won because it had both AJ and Caitlin on it,  despite the other team cheating by going through a bunch of cards they'd had before. HA. Gail came home and people left, and Marie kindly dropped me and Gity home.
On Thursday morning Jess's mum called to say that she was sick, so I waited 5 minutes then called Marie to ask if she could pick up AJ and Andrew. She said she'd woken up 5 minutes ago. How ironic. I got texts from Phil and Josh saying they weren't coming. I called AJ to tell her MArie was picking her up and she said she MIGHT come. I said "If you don't ... it will be very lonely." Marie arrived at quarter past 11 with both AJ and Andrew in tow. Andrew decided that we should play pokemon master trainer. We laughed, realised he was serious, and got stuck in. I won, grâce à luck and good item cards. We then made muffins, with lumps of chocolate and marshmallow, so it would be like rocky road. In hindsight, we probably should have realised that marshmallows MELT in ovens. They were very sticky. But nice. And choclatey. After a false start, we figured out how to play labyrinth, and Andrew won. Then we played uno. It was a great game, ie it went on for AAAAGES. I think Marie won. AJ was not having her usual winning streak, which was kind of fun for us. We watched the last scene from Life of Brian, and while I was switching it off we stumbled across The Hoobs, which is one of those drug-induced children's shows. It was strangely fascinating, and I couldn't quite turn it off. After looking at washing powder adds on youtube and AJ discovering the joys of our cordless mouse, it was time for everyone to go.
And today I walked dogs at the RSPCA for 4 1/2 hours, and one of them was a mastiff cross that was way stronger than me, and I have a bruised wrist from walking it 150 metres out and 150 metres back (that was as far as I got before I realised that if I went any further he would probably pull me off my feet and escape).
So yeah. that post took a ridiculously long time to write up, it wasn't even detailed.
Life is fun.

What's making you smile today?

Memories of the past few days. But I have to go to work. I will post about that later.

PS
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANT THE SINGING!!!!!!

What did you learn in kindergarten that you wish you did a better job of applying to the way you live your life today?

• Random food-like items which you find on the carpet are edible
• How to fall asleep quickly
• How to not give a damn about what my body looks like
• Playdough is tasty
• Dirt Is Good

But no way in heck would I go back to kindergarten. I was a "good" kid, but thinking back, I was horrible. Selfish in the way little kids are. I had wonderful experiences over my 18 years and I've learnt wonderful things from them, and I like myself so much better now. Life is good. Now let's all go home and eat a big bowl of strawberry ice-cream, playdough and random crud which we found in the carpet :D

What was your random act of kindness today?
Submitted by Cher Cabula.

Today I spent 3 1/2 hours picking up horse poop, carrying it to the compost garden and spreading it with a metal rake (while being watched by a class of year 11s). The chickens like to bury themselves in the poo. It's kind of cute. Also scrubbing floors, accidentally pouring warm soapy water all over my feet, staring at my wet feet for a while, cleaning chicken and guinea pig poop, feeding cows and bushing ponies. All the while sniffling with an icky cold. This was my act of kindness because it is for charity and I don't get paid. Funny thing is, it's the highlight of my fortnight. I love working at the RSPCA education barn. Not altruism, then. Does that still count? :P

Volunteering is da bomb.

Show us something that's so ugly it's beautiful.

Baby budgie

WOW I haven't updated properly in ages. Alow me to reduce the past month into a conveniently compact list:

• Marie, Jess and my family went to see Richard III at the Athaneum. It wasn't their best play.
  
• Athough it was kind of amusing when lots of furry green things leapt onto the stage and started dancing during the big fight scene for no apparent reason. Very Knight of Ni.
•  Also when a whole ton of people crawled out of Richard's bed. How many people can you fit under one matress?
• Went to see a movie of Hamlet with AJ and Marie. I hadn't realised that it was a completely uncut version, with all the lines in - it went for an insanely large number of hours. We missed the last train and had to call Marie's dad to pick us up.
  
• It was moderately brilliant though. I loved Hamlet's manic episodes - he seemed almost like a normal human being (as opposed to a stuffed lyrical partridge).
  
• I bought a packet of fantails and made Marie eat them. Suffer. Muahaha.
• During intermission AJ went :S (I have officially been corrupted by MSN) and showed us the first sentence of an sms - "We was robbed!" We went :S. Then she showed the second half - "House a repeat." :|
• Had a psychology excursion to the museum. My teacher is, as I suspected, a fool. But I liked one of the other teachers, Donna. The museum was great. I learned stuff. Also, we got to try out a lie detector. I got caught. Aw. Also, my heart pattern is mildly retarded.
• I had an agility trial in Geelong. Merry got two titles ^_^
• Mystic has developed luxating patella (a dislocating kneecap). Poor baby :(
• Went on Distance Ed "Urban Camp". There is a school camp in Royal Park. I never knew that.
• Day 1: We stood in a circle (the 19 of us who turned up out of the hundreds of people who do distance ed. There was only 1 other year 12 there.) and attempted to learn each other's names. It didn't work particularly well. Then we went to Vic Markets and wandered around for a while. We got bored. All the boys bought toy guns, which they shot people with for the next 2 days. The teachers didn't seem to care, which was awesome. Then some people went to Galactic Circus and others - like me - went to the Eureka Tower. The skydeck is way overpriced, but the glass is truly awesome. It flickers :) After dinner we were allowed to do whatever so I tried to watch a movie, but the room was too loud and I couldn't hear. I was joined by an attractive young male teacher and, by exerting my full will power, managed not to hit on him even when he stretched out on the couch next to me and started discussing Arundhati Roy, then mentioned that he'd forgotten to bring his PJs. *Giggles*
• Day 2: Ate way too much toast. Went to the MCG sports museum, which I'm sure everyone would have loved had anyone had the slightest interest in sports. They had a games room where we could "try it ourselves". I got creeped out by the tourguide, who was a fat, bald old man who showed a disconcerting interest in my life. Was rescued by aforementioned teacher and managed to impress him with my grip on the "test your grip game". Still didn't hit on him. I think. Went to the museum, patted reptiles and amphibians. The tourguide informed us that snakes have 2 penises which are next to their anus and hidden behind "that scale riiight there". One of the boys cried "Wow! They have a neat little container for it all!". she spent a while swearing while trying to catch a turtle, managed, and then held it out for us to pat. We did so, and she then said "Yep, pretty neat, but don't put your finger near it's mouth because it's a bastard and it will bite the first joint of your finger clean off." Hmm, OH&S anyone? That night we watched movies. Unfortuantely the female teachers chose. "How to lose a guy in 10 days" was even worse than I remembered, but "Suddenly 30" was as great as ever.
• Day 3: couldn't be arsed going to the immigration museum so I left early. 'Ra being over 18 :)
• Had a "skilled drivers" course. It was basically "Don't do drugs. Now lets go slam the breaks on your car :D".  It was actually quite fun, doing hairpin turns and slaloms at 45kph and losing control of the car.

  "You are now 8 ... 9...10 metres into the imaginary petrol tanker that stopped in front of you. You are now dead. Lesson learnt." Hehe ... death.

• Had a TSFX psychology lecture.
• Had DECV psychology lecture. Got lost for 30 mins at the end because of my !@#$%ing GPS. But Donna gave us all lots of lollies, so that was okay. I know more about psychology than the teachers. They offered me a job.
• I quit TAFE. Yay.
• Had psych exam. Pwnt it.
• Had GAT. lolz. May have to attempt to recreate humerous essays sometime.
  
• Went to the city with Andrew and Marie to see Medieval Scripts. The line was freakishly long. We recited shakespeare, and then got a demand for an encore by the people in front of us. The scripts were pretty. I want to learn Latin, and how to use gold leaf. The besiary had a picture of an upsidedown elephant, because apparently elephants have no joints in their legs so when they fall over they can't get up again.
• Ha!
• Did not, in the end, buy doughnuts. Did get high on apple flavoured liquorice. I bought 2 books. T'was great. Marie, plz do account of The Lair.
  
• Movie on Thursday. Yay :)
  
• Have been roped into Dungeons and Dragons on Friday. Sigh @ peer pressure.
• Byeeeee
  

I was looking through my stuff from last year and found this, but couldn't find it on my blog anywhere. Do tell me if you've seen it before and I will take it down. I like not being manic depressive anymore :)

Take me. Take all of me. Pick me up and put me in a box. Snap the lock closed and throw away the key. I have seen the world and I have seen too much. There is war out there, and famine, and illness. There is pain out there, and there is too much pain for me to bear. I need to sleep now. I have to close my eyes and forget. How can I bear to go on otherwise? There is so much beauty in this world, and there is so much pain.

Will you help me?

No, what am I saying.

No-one can help me now.

I have seen too much, and now I understand.

They see the war on their television screens every day and they turn away.

They hear of children dying every minute and they shut their ears and talk of something else.

Once, I cried because of this; but now I understand. There is too much suffering, and we have to turn away because otherwise we cannot live. We would break. We would die. And so we turn away, and pretend that everything is good in our lives.

Don’t tell me what to think. I have a mind, I can decide for myself. I need to know, but I will find out myself. I need to make my own mistakes. Give me more air, I’m suffocating.

I’m not a caterpillar any more. It’s not enough just to eat and to exist and to believe.

I covered myself in this sticky net. I hid myself away in my own mind and nobody can really see me anymore. Who am I? I don’t know. I am sleeping. For now, I am just safe. I am learning, slowly. One day soon I will be forced to come out, to be strong, to make my own way. Hopefully when I break free from my cocoon I will discover I have wings, and finally I will be able to fly.

Adolescence is a difficult period. It is a time when you discover who you really are, and who you want to be.

Death is one of the harder things to learn. How do you reconcile yourself to the fact that one day you will simply not exist any more? Some people tell their selves pretty lies about heavens full of angels and eternal bliss. But I am a scientist. How can I ignore the barely concealed flaws in their stories?

I lie on the floor, hands buried deep in my dogs’ silky fur. I can feel their heartbeats within their ribs. They are so tiny, so fragile. Yet they trust me so completely that they fall asleep tucked under my chin each night. They trust me with their lives, and I love them so much that sometimes I think my heart is about to explode with the joy of it. This is why I live, and this is why we fear death – because we miss the love, the warmth, the friendship.

We should never try to lessen the impact of death by trying to love less. If we do, then what is the point in living? Life is beautiful. It is full of laughter and joy, rainbows and mountains and cold misty mornings. Running so hard you think you’re flying. Warm hugs and paintings and music. They say, live every moment as if it is your last. I don’t think you should. Would everything then be tainted with haste and bittersweet longing? Just live every moment as if you were a dog. Live it with everything you have and love it with more than that.

Every new "Today" seems more anxious than ever. Do you find more solace in "Yesterday" or "Tomorrow"? Why?
Submitted by Bee Whisperer.

This question sounds kinda deep. But I am not in the mood to answer it eloquently. I am currently in a very contentedly lazy mood and will simply glaze over my answer like a leg of ham. Mm. Ham.

Firstly, I beg to differ. My today is not more anxious than ever - it's more relaxed than ever. GAP years should be compulsory - for the first time in 6 years, I'm not stressed. I don't get sick any more, or get nightmares, or get mood swings. Mr Pleasantly Happy has taken up residence in my head and seems to be settling down and raising a small family.

While I can find some solace in the hope for tomorrow an more still in the memories of yesterday, what comforts me most is today. Right now, right here, wrapped in a blanket and watching my dogs slowly falling asleep. I can't change yesterday, and the future is uncertain, but today I can be happy and grateful and decide that watching the leaves dance in the wind is better than finishing my maths.

We learned about the effects of chronic stress in psychology this year. Basically, VCE is going to kill everyone indirectly, painfully and at a young age.
When I end up teaching (which is, I am coming to discover, inevitable) I shall make it my mission to reduce stress in the lives of all the little wonderful twerps who end up under my tutelage.
Hoorah, I have a mission that doesn't relate to dogs!
Dogs are teh awesome. Rock on.

PS I pwn psychology

Why do you blog?
Submitted by littleduckling.

I started blogging because my friends were doing it, and peer pressure is a wonderful thing. I kept blogging because it was a way to keep my memories. My memory, as I'm sure you know, isn't all that fantastic. I have never been able to keep a diary for more than a few weeks at a time, but by keeping a blog I can share my thoughts and that provides some motivation at least. Not enough for me to not be one of those people who has to apologise for not posting with every post, but at least I do catch up sometimes.
But that time is not going to be now, because I think that I'm finally almost tired enough to try and get to sleep.
Interesting thing I learned from psychology ... I'm an insomniac. I didn't think I was because I sleep heavily all through the night and wake up really late, but it does take me hours to get to sleep and apparently that's enough to make it insomnia.
Interesting, eh?
G'night.

I should update. Lots of mildly interesting stuff has happened since my last post. But I can't be arsed, so I wont. Have a merry un-post.