2 posts tagged “charlie”

Transcript of Charlie the Unicorn (thanks to Wikitubia)

(Charlie is sleeping in a meadow. A blue and red unicorn approach him. They speak in high-pitched, annoying voices.)

Blue: Hey, Charlie. Hey, Charlie, wake up.

Red: Yeah, Charlie. You silly sleepy-head, wake up.

Charlie: (groans) Oh, God, you guys. This had better be pretty frickin' important. Is the meadow on fire?

Blue: No, Charlie. We found a map, to Candy Mountain, to Candy Mountain, Charlie.

Red: Yeah, Charlie, we're going to Candy Mountain. Come with us, Charlie.

Blue: Yeah, Charlie, it'll be an adventure. We're going on an adventure, Charlie.

Charlie: Yeah, Candy Mountain, right. I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now.

Blue: (jumping onto Charlie's back) Noooo, Charlie. You have to come with us to Candy Mountain.

Red: Yeah, Charlie, Candy Mountain. It's a land of sweets and joy and joyness.

Charlie: Please, stop bouncing on me.

Blue: (still jumping up and down on Charlie) Candy Mountain, Charlie.

Red: Yeah, Candy Mountain.

Charlie: All right, fine, I'll go with you to Candy Mountain.

(Cut to the three walking through the woods.)

Blue and Red: (singing) La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...

Charlie: Enough with the singing already.

Blue: Our first stop is over there, Charlie.

(The three stop in front of a large creature.)

Charlie: Oh, God, what is that?

Blue: It's a leo plurodon, Charlie.

Red: A magical leo plurodon.

Blue: It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain.

Charlie: All right, guys. You do know that there's no actual Candy Mountian, right?

Blue: Shun the non-believer.

Red: Shhhunnn.

Blue: Shhhhhuunnnnnnn.

Charlie: Yeah.

(The leo plurodon "groans")

Blue: It has spoken.

Red: It's told us the way.

Charlie: It didn't say anything!

(Cut to the three on a bridge with Blue in front, Red in middle, and Charlie in back.)

Blue: It's just over this bridge, Charlie.

Red: This magical bridge, of hope and wonder.

Charlie: Is anyone else getting, like, covered in splinters? Seriously, guys, we shouldn't be on this thing.

Blue: Charlie, Chaarrrlie, Chaaarrlie, Chaaarr--

Charlie: All right, I'm here. What do you want?!

Blue: We're on a bridge, Charlie.

(Cut to the three in front of Candy Mountain.)

Red: We're here.

Charlie: Well, what do you know? There actually is a Candy Mountain.

Blue: (dancing and singing) Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, you fill me with sweet sugary goodness.

Red: Go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Charlie.

Blue: Yeah, Charlie, go inside the cave. Magical wonders you will behold when you enter.

Charlie: Yeah, uh, thanks, but no thanks. I'm gonna stay out here.

Red: But you have to enter the Candy Mountain candy cave, Charlie.

(Five letters (C, A, N, D, and Y) appear from Candy Mountain and sing and dance.)

Y: Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up, just head right on up to the Candy Mountain cave. When you get inside, you'll find yourself a cheery land, such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land. They've got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things, oh so many things that will brighten up your day. It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town, it's the Mecca of love and candy canes. It's got jellybeans and coconuts and little hats. Candy mats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets. Buy the candy train to town and view the candy man and the bells, it's a treat as they march across the land. Cherry ribbon stream across the sky and to the ground and astound, it's a dancing candy tree. And the candy cane imagination runs so free, so Charlie please will you go into the cave.

(All five letters run into each other and explode.)

Charlie: All right, fine, I'll go into the freaking candy cave. This had better be good.

(Charlie goes into the cave.)

Blue and Red: Yeah....

Blue: Goodbye, Charlie.

Red: Yeah, goodbye, Charlie.

Charlie: Goodbye, what?

(The door to the cave closes behind Charlie and the cave goes dark.)

Charlie: Hey, what's going on here? Hello? Who is that?

(Sounds are heard as if Charlie is getting knocked out. Cut to Charlie lying in the grass. He has a closed-up incision on his side.)

Charlie: Ow, God, what happened? (noticed the cut) Oh, they took my fricking kidney!

(Music plays and the credits begin to roll.)

By Jason Steele

For TypeQueen

Special Thanks The Letter "Y"

FilmCow.com

(Screen fades to black.)

I want to put all the books that I like into Vox Books ... but that would take a miniature age which I DO NOT HAVE, although I would like it ... if anyone has any time they would like to give me ...
Oh well.
There's a new Terry Pratchett book coming out! I just found out just then! OMG! SQUEE!
I'm easily pleased ... I was so cruddy and then I find that and everything is better ... blah.

Yes anyway, today in literature we read a poem that's about a lady undressing. Very ... er ... "sensual" (ie gross). In english Mrs Coad asked "Where are Gian and Linden?" and Louise said "They're here, somewhere. Linden promised he would come and read. He lied to me." and so Mrs Coa went storming across the school to find them. We had a class discussion about the flaws and strengths of Ed and Judy as parents to Christopher in TCIOTDITNT, and she came back half an hour later and informed us that Linden was doing his Geography SAC which was due before lunchtime. Aaanyway ... Viv kidnapped me at recess and dragged me around the school, and then I kidnapped her and took her to english. On the way there, we found a cat under a portable. A real, live cat. It was black. We poked its tail to see if it was alive and it turned around and looked at us peacefully. So random ... anyway, I made Viv stay until Mrs Coad came and then I said "Hey Mrs Coad! This is my sister. You'll like her, her name is Viv too ..." and Mrs Coad said "Hi Viv! Pleased to meet you." (she was clearly in a very good mood today. I like her when she's happy :) ) and then Viv said "Steph kidnapped me..." and Mrs Coad said "Yeah, she's like that." (I am? I guess so ... hehehe) And Viv made me write a note because she was going to be late, and I wrote "Hi Mrs Slifirski, I temporarilly kidnapped my sister to take to show-and-tell (not really, I just felt like it) Yours sincerely, Steph And I drew a happy face under it. And then I asked to go outside so I could call Bronwyn (my french tutor) and tell her I didn't feel up to seeing her that night. And the teacher let me, because she was in a good mood and is also very broody and maternal. I don't mind her form of broody-ness. She reminds me of someone, but when I think about it I realise that she reminds me of herself ... ok that would make no sense. Just ignore me, ok?
And then at lunch was Debating photos. I had to go and find Andrew and kick him in the foot and say "you're meant to be downstairs" and he said "Why...?" and I raised my eyebrow and he said "Oh right, that." and went. I love eyebrows. And consequently hate people who shave them off. That's just creepy. And has nothing to do with anything ... anyway, Gity and I followed Marie saying "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ... We're in a room, Marie. " Taking mug shots of people proved rather more entertaining than one would expect of (hem hem) "mature" year 12 students. I won't go through it because most people reading this were there and it was all visual anyway. I may have to steal the photos off Wendy though ... I think she thinks I was in debating. I did turn up to one speech and occasionally helped with preparing things... Hehe, if I say I am, can I have a badge?
I discovered a new use for my jacket ... it is now to be used strictly for throwing over people. Also, coins are kidneys and must be stolen from AJ.
In maths I felt crap ... mix of headache and guilt at feeling happy. So I said "Mr Ross, can I go lie down somewhere?" Wow, talk about instant reaction ... he went all maternal and broody on me ... TOO MUCH CONCERN! I felt a bit like Christopher, I was like ... okay, please go away, I don't want you to care that much ... I don't have a swiss army knife though. Which is probably a good thing I guess. By the way, in case you haven't noticed, my life has somehow come to revolve around Curious Incident. Everything revolves around it, and I'm not entirely sure why ...
Anyway, I went to the library and found Marie. Sat down for a while, then Phil came and got me to move, and then realised that I was sick and was like, "Oh, sorry ... I meant it as a joke..." and Marie was like "Yeh, NOT funny." and then I went to the private study area except there were so many people I just went back to the library until the bell went. Then I decided that doing a french oral was a somewhat ludicrous proposition. I found AJ and she said that she would just tell Mme Saulais that I had gone home. But I didn't know whether I should go to the nurse or something. I found Bharat and he said I should probably go to the nurse so I did. I told her I wanted to go home because I felt crap (not in those words. I'm disgustingly polite and act all weak and helpless. I hate myself sometimes. Does work though.), and she said I needed to get my teacher to sign a note, and then she would phone my mum to pick me up and take me to the doctors. Which was somewhat dodgy because I HATE having to pull mum out of work to get me, and I have just strategically avoided doctors for the past week and I'm so very nearly better that it would be SO STUPID to go now ... but anyway. I went to french and she was in the other room letting someone listen back to their oral - the orals are 3 or 4 minutes long, and it takes her 15 minutes to go back over it with someone. What. The. Hell. Anyway, EVENTUALLY she came back and I told her "I'm really sick and I want to go home so I need you to sign a note." and she said "It's ok, you to it on monday." (In her ridiculous heavy french accent) Why can she not UNDERSTAND? But this is one time when it was a good thing ... I just lay down in the corner and dozed until the bell went, and so I didn't have to call mum out of work and see doctors. I hate doctors. Not as people, just as a whole institution. Anyway. I went and dozed at the bus stop with Gity. I didn't lie down and go to sleep like I did on Wednesday, but I still felt like a hobo. All I needed was some newspapers and a bottle in a brown paper bag ... hehehe, Hobo ...
When I grow up, I wanna be a hobo or a transgenic sheep-human hybrid ... Either would be good. Social outcast status! Woohoo!

And as I opened the door apon getting home, the phone was ringing and it was mum. She decided that we should go out to dinner. I can read her mind sometimes <Geoff isn't here ... I can't be bothered cooking ... going out would be easy ... I'll tell the kids it's to celebrate Steph's good score in Lit. That'll work ... he he I'm so deviously clever ...> Sure, mum, sure.
And Viv brought back Ms Slifirsky's reply to my note:

Thanks steph, I love the cheeky smile under yourname!

And she had drawn a smiley face too.
And Viv found my lost wallet in the car between the front seat and the door.
And we went to Michelangello's and had chicken and spag bog and pizza and I hope it won't make me depressed, and we had cake and mango juice and mocktails.
And it was a good day even though I didn't want it to be, and I have been on the computer for two whole hours when I should have been tidying up.
And everyone is addicted to Charlie the Unicorn.
Just because the unicorns sound like they're tripping out on LSD.
Hmm, hippy-ish ...
Come to candy mountain, charlie. It's a magical land of sweets and joy ... and joyness ...
Aw they stole my FRIKKIN KIDNEY!