1 post tagged “script”

Transcript of Charlie the Unicorn (thanks to Wikitubia)

(Charlie is sleeping in a meadow. A blue and red unicorn approach him. They speak in high-pitched, annoying voices.)

Blue: Hey, Charlie. Hey, Charlie, wake up.

Red: Yeah, Charlie. You silly sleepy-head, wake up.

Charlie: (groans) Oh, God, you guys. This had better be pretty frickin' important. Is the meadow on fire?

Blue: No, Charlie. We found a map, to Candy Mountain, to Candy Mountain, Charlie.

Red: Yeah, Charlie, we're going to Candy Mountain. Come with us, Charlie.

Blue: Yeah, Charlie, it'll be an adventure. We're going on an adventure, Charlie.

Charlie: Yeah, Candy Mountain, right. I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now.

Blue: (jumping onto Charlie's back) Noooo, Charlie. You have to come with us to Candy Mountain.

Red: Yeah, Charlie, Candy Mountain. It's a land of sweets and joy and joyness.

Charlie: Please, stop bouncing on me.

Blue: (still jumping up and down on Charlie) Candy Mountain, Charlie.

Red: Yeah, Candy Mountain.

Charlie: All right, fine, I'll go with you to Candy Mountain.

(Cut to the three walking through the woods.)

Blue and Red: (singing) La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...

Charlie: Enough with the singing already.

Blue: Our first stop is over there, Charlie.

(The three stop in front of a large creature.)

Charlie: Oh, God, what is that?

Blue: It's a leo plurodon, Charlie.

Red: A magical leo plurodon.

Blue: It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain.

Charlie: All right, guys. You do know that there's no actual Candy Mountian, right?

Blue: Shun the non-believer.

Red: Shhhunnn.

Blue: Shhhhhuunnnnnnn.

Charlie: Yeah.

(The leo plurodon "groans")

Blue: It has spoken.

Red: It's told us the way.

Charlie: It didn't say anything!

(Cut to the three on a bridge with Blue in front, Red in middle, and Charlie in back.)

Blue: It's just over this bridge, Charlie.

Red: This magical bridge, of hope and wonder.

Charlie: Is anyone else getting, like, covered in splinters? Seriously, guys, we shouldn't be on this thing.

Blue: Charlie, Chaarrrlie, Chaaarrlie, Chaaarr--

Charlie: All right, I'm here. What do you want?!

Blue: We're on a bridge, Charlie.

(Cut to the three in front of Candy Mountain.)

Red: We're here.

Charlie: Well, what do you know? There actually is a Candy Mountain.

Blue: (dancing and singing) Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, you fill me with sweet sugary goodness.

Red: Go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Charlie.

Blue: Yeah, Charlie, go inside the cave. Magical wonders you will behold when you enter.

Charlie: Yeah, uh, thanks, but no thanks. I'm gonna stay out here.

Red: But you have to enter the Candy Mountain candy cave, Charlie.

(Five letters (C, A, N, D, and Y) appear from Candy Mountain and sing and dance.)

Y: Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up, just head right on up to the Candy Mountain cave. When you get inside, you'll find yourself a cheery land, such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land. They've got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things, oh so many things that will brighten up your day. It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town, it's the Mecca of love and candy canes. It's got jellybeans and coconuts and little hats. Candy mats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets. Buy the candy train to town and view the candy man and the bells, it's a treat as they march across the land. Cherry ribbon stream across the sky and to the ground and astound, it's a dancing candy tree. And the candy cane imagination runs so free, so Charlie please will you go into the cave.

(All five letters run into each other and explode.)

Charlie: All right, fine, I'll go into the freaking candy cave. This had better be good.

(Charlie goes into the cave.)

Blue and Red: Yeah....

Blue: Goodbye, Charlie.

Red: Yeah, goodbye, Charlie.

Charlie: Goodbye, what?

(The door to the cave closes behind Charlie and the cave goes dark.)

Charlie: Hey, what's going on here? Hello? Who is that?

(Sounds are heard as if Charlie is getting knocked out. Cut to Charlie lying in the grass. He has a closed-up incision on his side.)

Charlie: Ow, God, what happened? (noticed the cut) Oh, they took my fricking kidney!

(Music plays and the credits begin to roll.)

By Jason Steele

For TypeQueen

Special Thanks The Letter "Y"

FilmCow.com

(Screen fades to black.)